I'm a fat cow.... but I just wanna be a skinny cow

 

 

So this is the blog post that I have been dreading to write.  Actually, I am crying as I write it.  I went to the gym, and got weighed.  (Insert Star Wars Emperor music) I did EVERYTHING I could to not cry right there.  The guy at the gym was so nice too.  He could see how upset I was.  He kept re-assuring me it was ok.  He said the time of day can alter weight up to 5lbs.  and not that ANYONE needs to know this, but my lady time is starting and that will add weight (water weight)  So on here I will reveal my weight and then take 5lbs off for the above mentioned things.


Starting weight                182lbs - 5lbs new starting weight is 177lbs
height                               5'9"
BMI                                 26.1% overweight


I know most normal women are in the mid to high 20's.  I also know that even if I lose fat weight, and put on muscule weight, my BMI could still say overweight.  The BMI is a flawed system, as it ONLY takes weight and height into consideration, not fat vs. muscule.  BUT having said that, I am still balling my eyes out right now.  This ISN'T where I want to be starting, but it is a start.....

 

 

 

But NONE of this is making me feel better.  NONE of this is making me want to get off the couch, it's just making me want to eat food, the ONE comfort I seem to have left in my life.  3 more days of Diet Coke, 3 more days of eating all the food I can no longer eat, 3 more days until I kill myself trying to lose my goal of 40lbs......

 

 

That's right, 40lbs.  Holy shit, that's like losing a small child!!!!

 

3 more days until I go to gym EVERY day, 3 more days until I run 3 times a week, 3 more days until I start Primal Blueprint diet plan.  3 more days and LIFE AS I KNOW IT IS OVER (insert the Star Wars music again)

 

I know I'm not fat, I am overweight though, regardless of what the above chart states.  I feel it, I see it, I know it.  BUT, when I look in the mirror, I just see a fat cow.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

(actually that's a normal sized cow) but a cow nonetheless.  This is what I see.  It's like those stupid things you see on Facebook, this is what society thinks I do, this is what my family thinks I do, blah blah blah.....  I know this is going to be hard ass work, work I am NOT used too.  I am used to Couchland, and being lazy, making excuses.  3 more days and the EXCUSES STOP!!!!!!

 

 

In 3 days, I wanna start looking in the mirror, and seeing a skinny cow..... Still a cow, but at least a skinny cow.

 

 

 

 

 

I said I was going to run this half marathon, and I will.  In all honesty, I am doing it so my parents would be proud of me.  WRONG reason to run 21.1kms, but I'm going to do it regardless.  In the end it is I who will be proud of myself.  Once the training starts, and the diet starts, and the comforts I have grown to love stop, I know that I will look like the skinny cow I know is in me somewhere.....

 

 

Thank you to all for reading my story, and as you can gather from this post, it's FAR from over.  Thank you for all your love and support, you know who you are.  2013, you'd better watch out, cuz I'm coming to KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (sorry for the language)



 

 





Boxing Day blues....

It's Boxing Day, the hustle and bustle of Christmas is over, and I feel like shit today.  Not because I ate TONS of food, but because I've had a shit year, and I was reflecting on it.  Don't get me wrong, I have come a long way from where I was last year, BUT there's still so much I want to do with my life.

I know this is a blog of my fitness journey, and my bucket list is actually part of my fitness journey.  I just went to Chapters and bought a journal, and a book.  I was looking for travel books and hiking guides for different places in the world, with no such luck.  I was ready to leave when a certain book caught my eye.  Classic Hikes of North America, 25 breathtaking Treks in the United States and Canada..... Picked it up, and I was captivated.  Something that incorporates travel and fitness.

 

 

 

 

 

This is exactly what I have been looking for, although a rather large book, it has trail guides, pictures, conditions, everything a good hiking guide book should have.  There is one in Banff National Park, and since that is in my backyard, that seems a good place to start.  25 hikes, and how long to complete them all?  I can't give myself a time limit, but I assure you, I WILL DO ALL OF THEM.

 

 

This is a GOAL, not a RESOLUTION.  Let's face it, we all make New Years resolutions, we might be good for a month or two, but then we go right back to doing nothing.  My aunt told me something yesterday at Christmas dinner, that I should make action plans, rather than making it something to do within a certain time, because I could be setting myself up for failure.  This is something I will put into an action plan, along with some of my other goals.  I have set quite a few goals for myself this year, some kick ass ones no doubt, but I don't want to burn myself out either.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Banff hike I will complete once all our snow melts, which won't be till August, lol.... I am excited and eager to get out there and see what my limits are.  I am also excited to cross one of the 25 hikes off the list. 

 

 

Sorry, my writing is blah today, just a blah day..... I assure you all, my goals and passion haven't diminished regarding my fitness journey.  I like that I have set a more leisurely goal, and action plan.  Training for a half marathon and a Spartan Race isn't leisurely haha.  Speaking of running, I just got some awesome new gear for my training.  It's cold as hell right now, -35 but I still have to get out there and run.  I HATE treadmills, and would rather run outside, as outside is where I will be running a half marathon.

 

 

 

 

Next step in my fitness joureny: measuring my body fat index :(   The above picture is my new gear, and let's use it as a BEFORE picture.  I am NOT wanting to share my weight, fat index or any other personal fact like that, but it's all part of the journey, AND I must take the journey.

 

 

 

Happy New Year to you all, and may 2013 be an amzing year for you xoxo



 



 

 

 



The bain of my existence, DIET COKE

The bain of existence, but oh how I love it

Diet Coke, oh how I LOVE you.  Like my couch, you are always there for me.  Your soothing, effervescent bubbles, your caffeine, you are like heroin.  I am in the COKE ZONE.  I have left Couchland, but the Coke Zone is MUCH MUCH MUCH harder to leave.  I'm getting the shakes right now as I write this.

About 18 years ago I was a die hard Pepsi drinker.  I wouldn't drink anything but.  One day I thought that I was getting too much sugar from pop.  SO I wanted to switch to diet.  Now, diet Pepsi is disgusting.  So I switched to diet coke as it didn't taste like regular Coke which is also disgusting.  And from that VERY first sip, I was hooked, just like heroin.  You think I'm joking?  I'm not.  It's like heroin.  You long for that one sip, it's mind over matter.  All your days problems go away with just one sip.  Not unlike heroin or even that first drag of a smoke..... Ah, that's better.

Now, people in North America are under the assumption (what's that saying?  Never assume, LOL) that diet pop is a better drinking choice than regular pop or soda.  WRONGO!!!!!! SO not true.  Yes it has less sugar, but it's full of aspartame which causes cancer, not to mention so does aluminum.  NEVER drink from aluminum cans folks.  YES, it has 0 calories, but of all the shit we eat on a daily basis, are a few more calories going to kill me?  I doubt it.

My brother told me the scientific mumbo jumbo about why diet is so much worse for you than regular pop or soda, but for the life of me I can't remember.  But that's neither here nor there.



I need to leave THE COKE ZONE......

I must leave you, but I don't want too

Regardless of all the science, the gorgeous people in the commercials with their amazing fancy lives, I NEED to leave.  I know it's not making me better, it's probably hindering me from losing weight, actually I KNOW it is.  I can't go to the gym and drink diet Coke on the treadmill, how silly would that look?  

I will have you all know that I have tried to quit this lovely, yummy bubbly drink on more than one occasion.  The longest I have made it was about a week and that's because I had the flu.  I have given up just about everything else in my life with ease, but NOT this.  I dunno what it is.  We seem to always find each other again like long lost friends...... It's magnetic almost.  

I don't drink coffee, I hardly drink tea.  So how on earth do I get caffeine?  That's the key thing.  I can't be a miserable bitch for weeks.  My co-workers, family and friends will HATE me.  Is there such thing as caffeinated water?  If so I'll be all over that.

Conclusion?

Drinking diet Coke isn't getting me any closer to my fitness goals, weight goals, and overall health goals, SO as much as I love you my dear friend, it's time we part ways, FOR GOOD (starting January 1, 2013 LOL) I will miss you, more than you'll ever know, but you have billions of other people out there who will gladly enjoy you as much as I have.  

WELCOME......

Hello blog readers;



I just decided that I wanted to create and document my fitness journey, a journey to better health, better confidence, and better self awareness.

Please bare with me, I am new to blogging, and may stumble along the way.....

Where to begin?

Just over a year ago, I had an awful break-up.  Who hasn't?  But this one in particular was just awful.  We were engaged, the first time I had ever been engaged.  I thought he was the one.  Well seems life had other plans.  It was an abusive and destructive relationship.  My self-confidence was GONE.  My sense of self, GONE.  I had NO idea who I was anymore.  I admit I didn't handle it so well.  For the longest time I just sat on my couch feeling sorry for myself.  Everyday I came home my couch was there to welcome me with open arms, safe and secure arms.  My couch is so comfy, you just melt into it.  I was safe in Couchland for a long time, and I was content to stay there.

What changed?

My mom and step-dad came out to Calgary from Ontario for my 34th birthday and Thanksgiving.  My parents have been running for years, and I always thought they were crazy.  Upon their visit, my mother signed us (my family) up for The Alzheimer Thanksgiving 5k race.  I was less than impressed, but I agreed.  So I had months to prepare.  Did I? NO! I was safe in Couchland.

I have never been one who was athletically inclined.  I may have gone on hikes in the mountains, snowshoeing, a tiny bit of climbing in the gym, BUT nothing like running for 5kms.  I could always take my time on a hike, I had all day, so the thought of this race scared the shit out of me.  Race day comes, and I'm full of nerves.  I warmed up with everyone, felt a bit better as they encouraged me, and told me I would be great.

We all went outside and continued our warm-ups and took a little jog around and I became winded.  I really wanted to save it all for the race.  The 8k runners went first, so up to the start line we go.  I'm with my mom and Ashley.  I put my music on, one ear bud in, one hanging out.  I hear the countdown, and BAM, away we go.  For the first bit I kept up to my mom who is pretty damn fast for a 50+ yr old woman.  Then I slowed down.  I couldn't breathe.  I felt like I was going to die.  But I kept pushing on. I do have asthma, and stupid me didn't bring anything for it.  And little did I know that I actually had bronchitis at the time of the run :(

me at the start line of my first 5k race

All I could think about was finishing.  I knew I had too.  I would run for a bit, then walk for a bit.  You know, what beginners do haha.  I hit the 2.5k mark and my brother is racing back.  Bastard is 6'2" and built like a brick shit house.  Jealous? YES!!!! But he high fives me and it pushed me to go on.  A few minutes later I see my step-dad, and a few minute later I see my mom who high fives me too.  As silly as it sounds, their little gesture pushed me to keep going.

I was not far from the finish line, when I see my brother walking towards me.  He came back for me.  He came to walk with me.  He made me feel so good, he has NO idea.  The finish line was just around the corner and I booted it into high gear and just ran.  My whole family was waiting for me, even my awesome dog Maggie.  I felt amazing.  Tired but amazing that I finished it.

Then, the whole day changed......

We left the race and had a huge brunch.  After that we went to my brothers house and looked up the results.  My heart sank.  I did it in 42ish minutes.  I was at the bottom of the pack.  I felt like complete and utter shit.  I started balling.  My family had amazing results, and I sucked ass.  They all tried to cheer me up, but it didn't work.  I was an emotional mess.  After a short pity party I thought about it differently.  I did it, no matter what the time, I DID IT!!!!!!  I wanted to do it again, just better...... So that's what I did.  That's was the start of my getting out of Couchland......

Since then, I ran another 5k race ALONE, with my brother and Maggie waiting for me at the finish line.  My time improved, not by much but it improved.  My stride was quicker, and my stats were WAY better.  Now I am forever searching for 5k races to run in.  I decided I am going to train for the Calgary Half Marathon in May 2013, and the Spartan Race Calgary in August 2013 and WHATEVER else comes my way.  I have also joined the gym again and have a nutrition plan in the works.


I know this was a lot of background story to get to my point.  My point is, is that as comfy as Couchland is and can be, I knew I didn't want to stay there and let my life pass me by anymore, I didn't wanna be a victim any longer.  So this blog is going to be my on-going fitness journey, which in turn will be a journey to better health, more confidence, and an all around better ME.......